I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
