I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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