I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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