At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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