Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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