Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
