Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
