can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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