i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
