As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
