i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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