He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
