Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
