She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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