I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
