Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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