What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
