I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
