i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
