He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
