I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
