Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
