Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
