I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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