How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
