its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
