I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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