You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
