You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
