So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
