I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
