My cat gives me a boner
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
