Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
