I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He passed out mid-signature
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
