Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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