I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
