And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
