I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
