My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
