what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
