dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
