took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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