Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
