i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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