All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
