We're like a lot better than the average bears
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
