tell your sister to shave her snatch
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize