I'm pants shitting drunk right now
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
