god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
