Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
