Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I want her autograph on my taint
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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