how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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